Waking up every hour or so I realized that I was not going to get in much sleep.
Tossing and turning about what possibly could happen, how I could have prevented it and what I should do, no peaceful sleep was coming out of this night.
Fear. A reality so many of us experience on a daily basis. Yet a reality that is merely based on perception and more often than not without any merit or evidence.
Fear in itself is a mechanism built in our brains to keep us safe. It is the guard of our minds that kept our anthropological ancestors alive to bring us to where we are today. It is not necessarily a bad thing; it keeps us safe and prevents us from harming ourselves or fleeing from situations that threaten us. Yet fear remains a fictitious expectation of negative possible outcomes and causes us to miss out on life, because the good things often require risk.
It floods our bodies with an overdose of cortisol, keeps us up at night, hinders us from pursuing our dreams and puts up walls of defenses that keeps us from building any healthy relationships. It keeps us in our comfort zones, where it might be safe. We stay there because we are not able to see what is around the bend, unable to embrace the future of uncertainty. Rather the trouble we are familiar with than the trouble we can’t see.
But is this really the way we want to live? In constant fear of what might or might not happen? A live build on probabilities linked to no evidence? A life that is limited because of our imagination?
As I was lying there in my bed, feeling my heartbeat rise and anxiety lean over me with a smile on his face. I pondered on how I can make him go away. He was starting to think that we were becoming friends and that he can just show up anytime he wants.
‘NO!’ I said. This is not how I want to live. For a life of uncertainty must surely be better than a life of constant fear. At least an uncertain life has the element of hope, whereas a fearful life is a constant dread of vigilance to keep what you have together, living a selfish life of mediocrity and despair.
Still pondering on how I can escape this life of fear and dread I started asking myself questions.
Can I change what happened? No. Okay so if I can’t change what happened, then my worry is 100% useless and counter productive? Yes. Ok so why worry then.
Can I control how someone else will react? No, that is a ridiculous thought, how can one control what others think, one can anticipate it, but how accurate am I most of the time? OK so once again it is senseless to worry.
OK next question. How many times have I expected the worst, and it did not happen? 80% of the time. The 80/20 rule applies where 80% of the time we worry about things that most likely only have 20% probability. So in essence worrying about something we have control over is literally senseless. Because the fact of the matter is that the reality will either be worse or better than we expect, so fear is a complete irrationality.
Last question. Is it not possible that something good may have come out of the situation or that in the unknown of the day there is something beautiful?
Our perceptions are our realities, but they are not necessarily the true reality. Fear causes us to think irrational, make short term decisions based on inaccurate data and information and leaves us in a frantic state, merely because we don’t know what is coming or we convince ourselves of the possible outcomes.
But I realized that living in fear is living paralyzed. You will only live to keep together what you already have.
The only way we can step out of our comfort zones is to step out into the unknown. To step out where we know it might be unsafe and where we will most likely encounter failure. But it is also a place where anxiety does not like to go. You see even Anxiety is scared and the more comfortable you get in the place of unknown possibilities the more you will be able to explore and the farther you will go.
So when fear creeps into your door and Anxiety stops by unannounced. Tell them to leave, because they are not welcome. Rather invite in Hope and Possibility because they are much better companions.
Fear is most of the time irrational and hope more probable, but it will all depend on which one you focus on. Let your imagination create life not paralyze it.
And learn to live in the grace of one day. Yesterday has passed, tomorrow is not promised.
We only have today.
